I’ll share with you a story I shared with him.
While he was sailing across the Atlantic In a hurricane, he let me park my car at his house and he wanted me to water his plants whenever I went out there. I left my car there when I visited my daughter. Once I was back I needed to get my car so I decided to ride my bike to his house. It is 14 miles so no big deal. NOT! So many hills! And it was so hot out I was drenched and felt sick from heat when I finally got there.
I went inside and helped myself to a coke in his fridge. I wanted to fix his bed for him. He is still sleeping on a blow up bed and it popped the night he left. So I blew up the flat bed, then watered his plants while guzzling a second coke. I went back up stairs and tried to find the leak. I felt around the perimeter. No leak. I felt over the top and still no leak. I decided to listen for it. I layed down with my ear to the mattress and fell asleep. Maybe a 1/2 hour or more I woke up, freaked out at what I was doing there but had two cokes in me and had to pee. He has a yellow guest bathroom that I like so I went to use it but the door was closed. So into his bathroom I went. I peed and then the toilet paper holder fell apart onto the floor. And then the toilet wouldn’t flush. OMG I am freaking out by now and ran out of there before I broke something else.
So I tell him this story, not sure what reaction I would get. he laughed out loud and called me goldilocks. He refers to how I slept in his bed regularly now.
Today is Friday and we spent the day together like we normally do now. We went to the gym. When I left he stopped and we said the usual have a good weekend. He paused and looked me in the eyes like he used to do and I swear it went straight into my heart. I couldn’t stay there or he would see my pain. So I looked away and left. Oh how I love papa bear.
He’s back. It’s been 6 weeks since I have seen him. I have my daughter with me and he is with his son. We text. He’s coming to the city to see the fireworks and invites us to join him. An actual invitation. That is a new thing. I decline because my parents will be arriving but say we will try to connect earlier. It’s raining. My daughter and I walk down to the festival. I text and call when we arrive and get no response. It is pouring rain and the festival is cancelled. I am sitting in a tent in the rain with my daughter. I fear I will miss him completely and then I’m gone on vacation and won’t see him for 10 more days. Then He calls. His phone was silenced and he didn’t know it and missed my call. He’s across the mall. We walk towards him and I see his tall familiar shape coming my way on the rain. We meet in the middle of the mall in the middle of the rain. He’s alone so my daughter says, “your missing someone” meaning his son. Pointing at me he says, “I’m missing your Mom”. OMG I almost died right there. I walk up and say I feel like I’m seeing a ghost. He says he’s not a ghost and I go in for a hug (Hug#4 and yes I am counting). We stand in the rain, his son and my daughter meeting for the first time, chatting and laughing and catching up. What an adventure they had what a thrill to be together again. Sadly We depart. I look back for one last glance and he is just looking away froM doing the same thing. Later that day he invites me to join them for a movie. I can’t because my parents are now here. I haven’t seen him since. We have texted a bit but that’s it. Now I’ve been away for 10 days. I will see him tomorrow at work. What will reunion #2 be like?
He arrives tomorrow. He wants to get caught up before I leave on Tuesday for a week. Maybe I will see him before I go but most likely it’s just a phone call. I try not to get my hopes up but the truth is I have missed him desperately and am at his mercy. How do I bring this to a close? I either need to move on alone or we need to move on together. I can’t continue this way for much longer. Maybe tomorrow will bring the answer. One way or the other, bring it on. Did he have time to think about us? Will his return bring him back to me or will it be more of the same? Most likely the latter. Meanwhile I have been pounding it out of me by training for a triathlon. Off to the gym I go for the last night of this long journey.