Thanksgiving Blues

He returns at 1:00 tomorrow from the Antarctic. He will go straight home and sleep, having been traveling for two days. I leave the next morning to my Moms for Thanksgiving and won’t see him for another week. Does he miss me like he did when he crossed the Atlantic? We were so close when he left, confiding in me his fears and all. But it has been three weeks since then and now I don’t know how he feels anymore. His emails have been personal but professional. One more week apart, then we are both back for a week, then he is talking about going to a meeting in CA, so gone for another week, then back for a week, then Christmas break all the way to Jan 5, two more weeks apart.  How is this any different than if I moved to HI?

I talk about him like he’s my boyfriend but he’s not. Somehow I have to remember that. How will this Christmas turn out? Last year he told me he only thinks of me at work. The year before that he said hugs were against the rules. What will it be this time? Yet, he brought out the beers after he ditched me. He gives me that look in Panama and I look away. He said it would suck if I left. He didn’t want to stop me from doing something I would love so he won’t fight about it, like we are couple and can get in a fight? He is a giant 250 pound hunk of confusion. I am wishing he would come into work tomorrow from the flight but I know that won’t happen. He has his gear he needs to take home and dry out and he will be exhausted. I’m just wishing and will be disappointed like an idiot. Setting myself up for let downs as always. This will never end…

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