2 Different Days

One day last week…

I am giving up on him. I don’t see him loving me these days. He seems to be different. Everything we went through this fall and he seems to have forgotten. He feels distant. He feels resistant. Christmas is a few weeks away and…I don’t know. He doesn’t feel connected to me. I don’t know what it is really. Maybe its just today but I’m tired of his resistance. He has worn me down to being too tired of it all. Why should I bother with him when he doesn’t seem to be affected by me?

The very next day…

He must have felt it too. He showed up the today extra cheerful and attentive. He said he thought of something that night he wanted to tell me but couldn’t remember what it was. He had an invitation to a Christmas party and invited me to join him. Instead we spent lunch together looking at his photos of Antarctica. When he screws up and I give up, he always comes back and makes it right again without me having to say anything at all. How am I going to get him out of my system when he does that?

I had many conversations this weekend with women who are giving up on men. The #metoo hashtag goes beyond harassment and assault, its become a #whybother movement. I don’t see myself ever loving a woman but can I get the love I need from a man? The reality is that my best bet to have what I need is to find a lover for sex and a dog for love.  I mean, how is what he says any different than Trump? He looks at women as sex objects, he just doesn’t act on it. He was/is either in relationships with these women and lying to me or he is leading them to  believe he is in a relationship with them when he isn’t, or both. If we ever get there, he has some explaining to do because how do I trust a man that would do that? Reality is, he is man and they are all creeps. Maybe no lover, just a dog….

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