Tomorrow

He arrives tomorrow. He wants to get caught up before I leave on Tuesday for a week. Maybe I will see him before I go but most likely it’s just a phone call. I try not to get my hopes up but the truth is I have missed him desperately and am at his mercy. How do I bring this to a close? I either need to move on alone or we need to move on together.  I can’t continue this way for much longer. Maybe tomorrow will bring the answer. One way or the other, bring it on. Did he have time to think about us? Will his return bring him back to me or will it be more of the same?  Most likely the latter. Meanwhile I have been pounding it out of me by training for a triathlon. Off to the gym I go for the last night of this long journey. 

Dispair 

We are stuck. I can’t stop loving him and he seems to feel the same. He almost called me sweetheart the other morning. We talk about everything but our feelings for each other. He does not seem to be dating anyone though he does still flirt around a bit. I do the same I suppose. Where does this go? How will it end? If he starts dating someone that will kill it for me and I’m sure he knows this. Likewise I feel it would be awful to date someone right now and have no desire to do so. So we go through the weeks enjoying each other and keeping busy with exercising and hobbies. We don’t see each other over the weekend unless we can swing a non-date in somehow. It’s fun during the week but sad and lonely on the weekends.  How long will this last?  Right now he is on travel for work. I was away before he left so it will be about two weeks since I have seen him. I’m obviously missing him or I wouldn’t be writing this post. Is he missing me or someone else?  I see no end in sight. We are at a deadlock, stalemate, flat seas, whatever, the fact is we are going no where.

Not there when I needed him.

I reached out to him at a low point in my divorce one weekend and he didn’t even respond. It hurt all weekend. I showed up on Monday and didn’t stop by his office to say hello.  I couldn’t look at him.  He let me down.  By noon he came by and asked what was wrong and said I looked disgusted.  I was.  Why is it he can reach out to me and I will be there, but when I need him, I get no response. He explains.  He said he should have responded, he didn’t realize that I was having a hard time. He said we can’t go there. He kept saying I am your supervisor and have a responsibility and I don’t want to go there.  I said we both agreed not to go there, we have a line and we won’t cross it.  He said that line gets blurry sometimes. I agree, it definitely gets blurry to me if not totally disappears, but I didn’t tell him this. He is afraid of giving people the wrong impression.  I have to agree that is a risk too. And that could become a huge problem.  He did make it right by saying he should have responded and I now see his point of view.  At this point his solution is to completely stay apart after hours, avoid the risk entirely.  So we do nothing now, nothing at all. We enjoy each other at work and then we go home alone. It is so very sad and causes me physical pain.  He is right. I can’t deny this but its not what I want yet there is no alternative.

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: The Norm goes on and on and on…

How did he feel about her?

She reminded him of his mom, he said. He teased her relentlessly. They would talk for a few minutes only to find 3 hours had passed by.  He called her a distraction.  He would make comments about romantic things. She was smart but silly. The goofy things she did made him laugh. She laughed too because there were just some darn funny things that she did. That is how she is, a great source of entertainment for all.  They worked on many things very closely.  They both started exercising regularly again. She found herself thinking of him, more than she should. She traveled and missed him, not her husband.  She never really did miss her husband but was surprised that she missed him.  Time passed and they became closer, talking about things one does not talk about with one’s boss.  He shared things with her that surprised her, and she did the same. She was falling for him, deep inside she knew it, but was he feeling it too? How will she ever know?

 Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00.

 Next week: They look like a couple

He was the Opposite

She couldn’t remember ever being around a man like him. He was honest, he exercised and even liked to play outside. They ran every morning in when they were in panama and they both ran and used the gym at work once they returned.  It was wonderful to be around someone who exercises. He was kind, patient, and understanding. He laughed out loud a lot and even better, he made her laugh.  She didn’t remember laughing that much, ever. He was a Boy Scout. He actually said hello to a squirrel once, he really was Kronk. You gotta love Kronk.  And he was social, he talked to strangers and was friendly to everyone. By the time she returned home, her husband was even more disappointing.  Her new boss was the opposite of her husband and contrast now was too huge to ignore.

 Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: How did he feel about her?

In the Beginning

In the beginning, there was awkwardness.  Their first exposure to each other was intense.  Three weeks in Panama, working very closely on fixing a mess. She texts her family, “Its like traveling with Kronk from the Emperor’s New Groove”. They had long days and late dinners.  It seems you can’t get a quick meal in Panama, it takes hours.  She started having a beer with each dinner.  It was like mandatory speed dating. Those things you don’t talk about, they talked about. Politics, religion, not sex though, that came later.  He’s conservative and Christian.  Nice solid barrier there, she thinks, because she is liberal and atheist.  They are the same age, off by one month, he the elder.  She got very drunk on two drinks the first night and tells him about how she got her last boss fired. He seemed to take it okay, she hoped. Very awkward. Then while they were working, he started playing the music they both grew up with. And that is when he first turned her head.  “Who IS this guy?” she thought…

The mess they were fixing was huge and shocking. He rolled up his sleeves and dug in with her to get it done. He didn’t get angry about the situation, He focused on solving it instead. And he made her laugh. She hadn’t really laughed much for many years and forgot how good it felt. 

On their last night, and they stayed two days longer than scheduled, on their last night he took her to the Italian restaurant they had been to earlier to try to get tres leches, a dessert that she wanted to try but no one seemed to have and he knew because they shared desserts almost every night. She remembers to this day how he brushed her arm in the airport on the way home and he remembers what she had to drink. 

 Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: He was the Opposite

A Miracle Occurs

As with all fairy tales, just when things seem impossible, the impossible actually happens. Turns out there were problems with the candidate they chose that surfaced just in time. They rescinded the offer and then made the offer to the second candidate. Now he had a decision to make.  He came back to look around and met with her, both of them seriously considering each other for the first time. They took a walk to talk. He’s just a boy scout from Nebraska, he says. He needs to work with someone who is self-motivated and can work independently. She had been doing that for years. She’s just a hippy from Virginia she says and wants a boss who is honest. Her bar is very low at this point, that’s all she asks for, honesty. Honesty is what he is good at, to a fault sometimes.  They talk a few more times. She doesn’t tell him she got her last boss fired but he knows there were issues there. He knows the former boss so he feels if she is on the opposite side of that, she must be okay.  She is just plain terrified.

 Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: In the Beginning

No Hope

She was finally going to get a new boss even though she didn’t want one.  They asked her to be on the search committee, she declined because she was going to apply for the job.  This was hopeless she knew but she wanted to make a point. She had been running the program for years while they paid the big bucks to men that were not doing their job.  Unfortunately, this scenario was going to continue.  It came down to two candidates for the position.  She participated in the meet and greet of both candidates. One was clearly already chosen for the job, the other was just a formality, to say yes we looked at many candidates. The one they chose was more of the same. Egotistical male looking to further his own agenda. The one they didn’t choose, he might actually work.  She told this to the search committee but no one listened. When she heard the first candidate bragging about getting the job, she started planning her exit strategy. She was NOT going to live through this again.  Depression turned to despair.

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00.

Next week: A Miracle Occurs

Hope Comes and Goes

His adult life had been spent mostly West coast.  He lived alone by now. He had friends but no romance.  At work, there was no room for promotion, he would always be second, they made that clear. More disappointment that he didn’t understand.  He needed a change.   He applied for a job on the East coast.  He was not sure he would take it, but he needed a new start so what the heck.  It was good pay and for a prominent institution.  He went through the interview process, making sure everyone knew what he was about. He didn’t want to change his entire life if this wasn’t a good fit. Finally it was down to two, he was one of them. He came out to meet everyone, including the one person he would be working closely with, and looked around the area.  They chose the other candidate.

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00.

Next week: No Hope 

Her Life is in Shambles

She continued to push through the oppressive husband, not accepting his desire to keep her down, but it took its toll. She took a job that he did not support, even though it was a wonderful opportunity.  He was angry, she was excited.  She would be traveling again and that meant getting away from him.  She would be working for the organization she loved again, her first love. 

All was going to be wonderful except once again, it wasn’t.  The man she worked for turned out to be the worst person she had ever known. He too tried to keep her down, keep her in a box, more oppression. But it was worse than that. He was hurting the organization she worked for. She went through hell and back and finally he was fired. Upper management finally realized how aweful he really was. Only instead of thanking her they treated her like she was the problem. She risked everything to save her organization and they crapped on her as a result. She knew she did what was right but no one upstairs would admit it. 

With work finally not as horrible she continued to try to save her marriage, even though it was a depressing mess.  She had given up on any hopes of decency in men and became unhealthy and depressed.

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00.

Next week: Hope Comes and Goes