A Twist in the RomCom – Hawaii?

I am applying for a job in Hawaii and I have a shot at getting an offer. We were sitting outside on a bench having lunch. I was not sure how to approach the subject so I just told him. His immediate reaction was to try to talk me out of applying. After lunch he went right to his computer and read the job announcement. Within 10 minutes he’s saying I should consider it, if its something I would want. The next day he is talking me out of it again.  I have very mixed feelings too. I tell him I could leave my job, the institution, and not feel bad about it, but leaving him would about kill me. He blushed and said he was a pain in the ass. I agreed.

He has been super sweet ever since. He said he would be a professional reference for my application. I am doing dishes and realize his cups are not in the sick. We practically run into each other as I walk out and he walks into the kitchen. He goes to dry his hands on the dish rag hanging below the sink I am standing next to and asks if he can use my skirt. I laugh and say no!

As far as work goes, it would be a huge change, a demotion really. But less administration and more of the fun work. It would also be a pay cut, but housing costs are less in Hilo.

The offer might not come and I might not have to decide. If it did, it would be a financial choice based on the salary they are willing to pay. Personally, it would allow us to finally have a romance, 5000 miles away, but that  would  be more of a romance than  we can have now.  He loves Hawaii and I know he would consider retiring there. I think he realizes he could work for one or two more years and then join me. Alternately, he could be not thinking that at all. I have no idea. But the way he looks at me when we part ways says otherwise.

Sucked back in

We argued multiple times today over work related issues. When we were done with the disagreement, we are done.  No lingering hard feelings or anger. No consequences. Its work, he has an opinion and so do I. We express it and we are done.  This happened at least twice today. Each time we were back to our old selves when the discussion was over. Sitting outside enjoying a quick lunch together or laughing about something. At the end of the  day we do the dishes, together side by side, sometimes too close. We walk out together. I almost forget to go my separate way.  When I get home I text him what food to bring in tomorrow so I can make something for lunch. He texts back what he has and asks if its okay. I am in a reverse marriage. Yes I realize this post totally contrasts with the previous post. Welcome to my life.

Tomorrow

He arrives tomorrow. He wants to get caught up before I leave on Tuesday for a week. Maybe I will see him before I go but most likely it’s just a phone call. I try not to get my hopes up but the truth is I have missed him desperately and am at his mercy. How do I bring this to a close? I either need to move on alone or we need to move on together.  I can’t continue this way for much longer. Maybe tomorrow will bring the answer. One way or the other, bring it on. Did he have time to think about us? Will his return bring him back to me or will it be more of the same?  Most likely the latter. Meanwhile I have been pounding it out of me by training for a triathlon. Off to the gym I go for the last night of this long journey. 

Dispair 

We are stuck. I can’t stop loving him and he seems to feel the same. He almost called me sweetheart the other morning. We talk about everything but our feelings for each other. He does not seem to be dating anyone though he does still flirt around a bit. I do the same I suppose. Where does this go? How will it end? If he starts dating someone that will kill it for me and I’m sure he knows this. Likewise I feel it would be awful to date someone right now and have no desire to do so. So we go through the weeks enjoying each other and keeping busy with exercising and hobbies. We don’t see each other over the weekend unless we can swing a non-date in somehow. It’s fun during the week but sad and lonely on the weekends.  How long will this last?  Right now he is on travel for work. I was away before he left so it will be about two weeks since I have seen him. I’m obviously missing him or I wouldn’t be writing this post. Is he missing me or someone else?  I see no end in sight. We are at a deadlock, stalemate, flat seas, whatever, the fact is we are going no where.

Not there when I needed him.

I reached out to him at a low point in my divorce one weekend and he didn’t even respond. It hurt all weekend. I showed up on Monday and didn’t stop by his office to say hello.  I couldn’t look at him.  He let me down.  By noon he came by and asked what was wrong and said I looked disgusted.  I was.  Why is it he can reach out to me and I will be there, but when I need him, I get no response. He explains.  He said he should have responded, he didn’t realize that I was having a hard time. He said we can’t go there. He kept saying I am your supervisor and have a responsibility and I don’t want to go there.  I said we both agreed not to go there, we have a line and we won’t cross it.  He said that line gets blurry sometimes. I agree, it definitely gets blurry to me if not totally disappears, but I didn’t tell him this. He is afraid of giving people the wrong impression.  I have to agree that is a risk too. And that could become a huge problem.  He did make it right by saying he should have responded and I now see his point of view.  At this point his solution is to completely stay apart after hours, avoid the risk entirely.  So we do nothing now, nothing at all. We enjoy each other at work and then we go home alone. It is so very sad and causes me physical pain.  He is right. I can’t deny this but its not what I want yet there is no alternative.

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: The Norm goes on and on and on…

How did he feel about her?

She reminded him of his mom, he said. He teased her relentlessly. They would talk for a few minutes only to find 3 hours had passed by.  He called her a distraction.  He would make comments about romantic things. She was smart but silly. The goofy things she did made him laugh. She laughed too because there were just some darn funny things that she did. That is how she is, a great source of entertainment for all.  They worked on many things very closely.  They both started exercising regularly again. She found herself thinking of him, more than she should. She traveled and missed him, not her husband.  She never really did miss her husband but was surprised that she missed him.  Time passed and they became closer, talking about things one does not talk about with one’s boss.  He shared things with her that surprised her, and she did the same. She was falling for him, deep inside she knew it, but was he feeling it too? How will she ever know?

 Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00.

 Next week: They look like a couple

He was the Opposite

She couldn’t remember ever being around a man like him. He was honest, he exercised and even liked to play outside. They ran every morning in when they were in panama and they both ran and used the gym at work once they returned.  It was wonderful to be around someone who exercises. He was kind, patient, and understanding. He laughed out loud a lot and even better, he made her laugh.  She didn’t remember laughing that much, ever. He was a Boy Scout. He actually said hello to a squirrel once, he really was Kronk. You gotta love Kronk.  And he was social, he talked to strangers and was friendly to everyone. By the time she returned home, her husband was even more disappointing.  Her new boss was the opposite of her husband and contrast now was too huge to ignore.

 Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: How did he feel about her?

In the Beginning

In the beginning, there was awkwardness.  Their first exposure to each other was intense.  Three weeks in Panama, working very closely on fixing a mess. She texts her family, “Its like traveling with Kronk from the Emperor’s New Groove”. They had long days and late dinners.  It seems you can’t get a quick meal in Panama, it takes hours.  She started having a beer with each dinner.  It was like mandatory speed dating. Those things you don’t talk about, they talked about. Politics, religion, not sex though, that came later.  He’s conservative and Christian.  Nice solid barrier there, she thinks, because she is liberal and atheist.  They are the same age, off by one month, he the elder.  She got very drunk on two drinks the first night and tells him about how she got her last boss fired. He seemed to take it okay, she hoped. Very awkward. Then while they were working, he started playing the music they both grew up with. And that is when he first turned her head.  “Who IS this guy?” she thought…

The mess they were fixing was huge and shocking. He rolled up his sleeves and dug in with her to get it done. He didn’t get angry about the situation, He focused on solving it instead. And he made her laugh. She hadn’t really laughed much for many years and forgot how good it felt. 

On their last night, and they stayed two days longer than scheduled, on their last night he took her to the Italian restaurant they had been to earlier to try to get tres leches, a dessert that she wanted to try but no one seemed to have and he knew because they shared desserts almost every night. She remembers to this day how he brushed her arm in the airport on the way home and he remembers what she had to drink. 

 Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: He was the Opposite

A Miracle Occurs

As with all fairy tales, just when things seem impossible, the impossible actually happens. Turns out there were problems with the candidate they chose that surfaced just in time. They rescinded the offer and then made the offer to the second candidate. Now he had a decision to make.  He came back to look around and met with her, both of them seriously considering each other for the first time. They took a walk to talk. He’s just a boy scout from Nebraska, he says. He needs to work with someone who is self-motivated and can work independently. She had been doing that for years. She’s just a hippy from Virginia she says and wants a boss who is honest. Her bar is very low at this point, that’s all she asks for, honesty. Honesty is what he is good at, to a fault sometimes.  They talk a few more times. She doesn’t tell him she got her last boss fired but he knows there were issues there. He knows the former boss so he feels if she is on the opposite side of that, she must be okay.  She is just plain terrified.

 Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: In the Beginning

No Hope

She was finally going to get a new boss even though she didn’t want one.  They asked her to be on the search committee, she declined because she was going to apply for the job.  This was hopeless she knew but she wanted to make a point. She had been running the program for years while they paid the big bucks to men that were not doing their job.  Unfortunately, this scenario was going to continue.  It came down to two candidates for the position.  She participated in the meet and greet of both candidates. One was clearly already chosen for the job, the other was just a formality, to say yes we looked at many candidates. The one they chose was more of the same. Egotistical male looking to further his own agenda. The one they didn’t choose, he might actually work.  She told this to the search committee but no one listened. When she heard the first candidate bragging about getting the job, she started planning her exit strategy. She was NOT going to live through this again.  Depression turned to despair.

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00.

Next week: A Miracle Occurs