Finding a norm

Even with all her efforts to show him everything was okay, she was struggling inside. For her, everything was not okay. She found herself thinking about him continuously.  She checked her email obsessively, hoping for something from him. Weekends were sadness; two entire days without him. Holidays were downright depressing. She fought it at first, then gave in and started a blog to herself in hopes of somehow getting control over her feelings.  He never said how he feels about her. To the very day of this writing, she still doesn’t really know.

He began to feel more comfortable with her once again. The teasing started back up. They found themselves having long conversations about anything. Her heart began to hurt at the thought of him finding someone else. She became jealous over silly things and tried not to show it. He began to tell her what he was doing after hours which made her feel better.  Did he know she needed this? He would txt her over the weekend occasionally but not always. She would do the same, but not always. They soon found themselves in a long and lonely rhythm.  She laughed and loved at work, and went home to sadness and depression.  Eventually she managed to move out of her house and away from her husband, which was a huge relief, but found herself feeling homeless because she was living at her sister house. 

He became depressed and texted her about it once. She asked too many questions and he said she would be a good one to talk to but he can’t, and he never brought it up again.  She cried at almost every run and shower. Still does.

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: Watching Yoga

Next Stop Vegas

One month after Alaska and they found themselves in Las Vegas on business. Everything was normal, whatever that is. He would call or txt after hours from his room about whatever was happening.  She txted or talked back from her room (sometimes in the nude).  They stayed an extra day, at his suggestion.  People would see them together and as usual, assume they were a couple.  They had a good time together, they always do.  Nothing was mentioned between them about the “event” in Alaska. They don’t talk about it. At All.  She decided they should be able to talk about it. She wanted them to be able to laugh about it. Hiding in an elevator is funny. Everything is okay.  She decided she would share what her therapist said about that night with him. He would benefit from learning about why it happened and they would be able to laugh about it.

They had dinner together on the last night in Las Vegas. She took that opportunity to try to talk about what happened on the last night of their previous trip. She shared what her therapist said. It took guts, he wasn’t in a communicative mood. It was awkward.  But she told him anyways and he just stared, like a deer caught in headlights. “Nothing?” she said. He laughed and said, “I don’t know what to say?”  He’s not used to this level of communication and neither is she, but she was determined to push past the surface with him. He is definitely deep, as he has shown, and she is not going to stay in the surface now that she has seen what’s beneath. They talk about it a little bit more then move on to work subjects.  As she walked back to her room she wondered of he’s really if he would think about it or if he’s really just a total ass.  She wasn’t sure at this point. 

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: Finding a Norm

Therapist explains why…

She asked her therapist why. If she is trying to get out of a relationship, why does she find herself wanting to get into one? Of all men, why her boss? Her husband is an over sexual Pepe-le-peu, the last thing she wants is another man groping her, so why?  He explained it her in a way that made sense.  She has a need, one that was not fulfilled by her husband.  A need to be loved and feel safe in a man’s arms.  Sex does not equal love. Her marriage had the sex but not the closeness of love.  Her husband would say that sex makes us close, that is what we have that is different from anyone else. She realized it was the reverse. If you have something different from everyone else, that level of closeness, then you have sex. She found she could be close to her boss without the pressure of it leading to sex, and that was part of the attraction.  The fact that he WAS her boss was part of the attraction. Because he was such a huge risk, they couldn’t go there. He was so unsafe, he was safe. Part of her wanted him badly and part of her wanted the safety of being close to someone without the pressure of it turning into sex. It was an inner conflict that she struggled with then, and still does.

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: Next Stop Vegas

That Last Night

She had to catch the shuttle to the airport at 4:00 am to catch her flight.  They were with a group at the bar. It was late and she hadn’t packed up yet so she decided she would stay up all night. A friend bought her a whiskey. She offered him a sip and he downed the entire drink. He didn’t want her to get too drunk, so he drank it.

 They left the bar together around 1:30 am? The elevator ride was only two floors up but it was the longest two floors ever. He was staring at her then he leaned over to kiss her. She started to lean in for the kiss and panicked, turned away, covered her face into the corner and literally tried to hide in the elevator. FYI there is no place to hide in an elevator so don’t even try it. Realizing how silly she was being, she turned around and the elevator door opened. He said goodnight and stepped out onto his floor.  

He was not going straight back home so she wouldn’t see him for an entire week and started missing him already. She texted him from her room. He texted her back. Texting with your boss while you both are drunk at 2:00 am in Alaska can be very dangerous. 

After much texting, he ended up in her room. They just talked. She had no intentions of making love to him, she had a husband to go home to. She staying up all night and wanted his company. He said he wasn’t sleeping anyways so he came up to help her pack and pick up something of his that she had. 

Moments she visualizes from that night. He sits in the other bed, looks straight at her and turns out the light. He opens the curtains to let in the view. He’s in his bare feet. He’s gorgeous. 

They lay in different beds with the lights out talking. Mostly her talking.  She says she likes him but finds it confusing. She asks him how he feels. He says he’s too drunk to talk about it and he better go.  She walks him to the door. She gestures for a hug and he holds her for she doesnt know how long. With her ear pressed against his chest, she can hear his heart racing. She can feel her body melting. She panicked and shoved him out the door. As she walked back into her room she saw the bed where he was laying just a moment ago. He left behind a perfect cocoon in the covers. She had 1/2 hour until she needed to get up, so she set her alarm, crawled naked into his cocoon, and it was still warm. 

The Totem Walk

He said if we run here we will end up at Totem Park. That was all he said, then they took off. He was always way ahead of her so she was surprised when she would see him at the turn, or across the street, or up the path.  When she arrived at the park he was no where to be seen so she ran on into the park, hoping to see him.  She did not so she went out onto the rocks near the water. A good 20 minutes later she ran back around the trail towards the park entrance, disappointed that he must have run on without her. Then two people and a dog saw her and yelled, “there is a large man waiting for you in the visitor center.” Oh my gosh, she had no idea, so she ran back towards building and saw him he was running out to meet her on the trail.  He had never said exactly what he intended so she didn’t know to actually meet him inside and look for him.  This shyness becomes a pattern that she still struggles with.

He had the trail guide in his hand and clearly intended to walk the entire park so they started down the trail, on the self guided tour.  How adorable, she thought.  They walked through the forest and when they found a totem pole they stopped and he read the panel to her.   At each pole they stopped, he read the panel, and they discussed the symbols.  One totem pole had a female with what appeared to be animal heads for breasts. This made for a great discussion and much laughter about how you shouldn’t touch them, they might bite.  They missed one totem pole and had to go find it. How sweet, she thought, more magic.

 Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: That Last Night

The Run in the Rain

It was raining hard. One of those long steady downpours. She was in her room at the B&B. He was standing in her doorway talking about work, or whatever, she hardly cared.  There was vacuuming in the hall so he closed the door.  He had his laptop and she hers.  He was at the foot of her bed on his knees with his laptop on her bed, discussing work. The rain was coming down even harder. They were there all morning, all afternoon, all alone, talking, breathing, and listening to the rain. 

They forgot about lunch so she shared a Kind bar she had in her bag. He is so beautiful, she thought, does he even know how beautiful this moment is? To have a warm steady rain drumming outside and a beautiful man at the foot of your bed?  All day?  To this day, the sound of a hard, steady rain brings back this vision. 

 The rain eventually let up. They decided it was now or never for a run. There was a trail across the road so they took off, he in the lead. He was being a sissy about getting his feet wet so she shoved him on. He took off and she didn’t see him after that for the entire run.  Did I say it had been pouring rain? Oh yeah and the trail was soaked. The first creek crossing was a challenge, but she found her way by walking upstream and jumping. The second creek was more of a challenge and she was stuck. She couldn’t turn back because she was afraid she couldn’t cross back over the first creek again, so she stood there in the middle of the woods in Alaska, in the middle of the rain, all soggy and wondering what to do and where was he? A local man came by and guided her safely across the flooded creek. It was still raining by the time she made it back to the B&B and she was completely soaked. She didn’t see him at first and plopped her last steps with a jump into a large puddle in the driveway, then looked up and there he was.  

He was standing on the steps, tall and totally soaked.  He looked at her, not sure what to expect. She said, “that was the best. run. ever!” because it was.  They both burst out laughing.

The owner of the B&B came out and said they were two kids out playing in the rain. 

He told her about that second creek crossing how he had stepped in on the side and fell into the water up to his neck. She stood next to him and said she would have gone under and told him how someone guided her across.  They laughed and took pictures of each other to share with family. She keeps that picture of him standing tall and soaked and smiling on her phone. OMG, she thought, this guy loves to play outside!

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: The Totem Walk

Then came Alaska

They had a meeting to attend in Alaska. It was going to be difficult, her former boss would be there.  She was stressed over this but excited to go to Alaska.  She had never been there and wanted to have some time to enjoy the location. He suggested they go early and enjoy the weekend before the meeting. And so they did. 

Bed and Breakfast’s are the cheapest places to stay so they booked two rooms in a B&B.  She was still married at this point and knew it was not going to go over well at home.  She was starting to realize just how unhappy she was and nothing was going to stop her from this chance to enjoy herself. So she told her family what she was doing and off she went. 

Describing the beauty of that entire week is impossible. The location was spectacular and he was too.  I will share a few scenes with you in the next few posts as an example. The truth is she had been crushing on him up until that week, but that week, that very week, was the week she fell in love.  That week seems like a dream but that week really happened.  That week was magic.

 

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: The Run in the Rain

How did he feel about her?

She reminded him of his mom, he said. He teased her relentlessly. They would talk for a few minutes only to find 3 hours had passed by.  He called her a distraction.  He would make comments about romantic things. She was smart but silly. The goofy things she did made him laugh. She laughed too because there were just some darn funny things that she did. That is how she is, a great source of entertainment for all.  They worked on many things very closely.  They both started exercising regularly again. She found herself thinking of him, more than she should. She traveled and missed him, not her husband.  She never really did miss her husband but was surprised that she missed him.  Time passed and they became closer, talking about things one does not talk about with one’s boss.  He shared things with her that surprised her, and she did the same. She was falling for him, deep inside she knew it, but was he feeling it too? How will she ever know?

 Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00.

 Next week: They look like a couple

A Miracle Occurs

As with all fairy tales, just when things seem impossible, the impossible actually happens. Turns out there were problems with the candidate they chose that surfaced just in time. They rescinded the offer and then made the offer to the second candidate. Now he had a decision to make.  He came back to look around and met with her, both of them seriously considering each other for the first time. They took a walk to talk. He’s just a boy scout from Nebraska, he says. He needs to work with someone who is self-motivated and can work independently. She had been doing that for years. She’s just a hippy from Virginia she says and wants a boss who is honest. Her bar is very low at this point, that’s all she asks for, honesty. Honesty is what he is good at, to a fault sometimes.  They talk a few more times. She doesn’t tell him she got her last boss fired but he knows there were issues there. He knows the former boss so he feels if she is on the opposite side of that, she must be okay.  She is just plain terrified.

 Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: In the Beginning

No Hope

She was finally going to get a new boss even though she didn’t want one.  They asked her to be on the search committee, she declined because she was going to apply for the job.  This was hopeless she knew but she wanted to make a point. She had been running the program for years while they paid the big bucks to men that were not doing their job.  Unfortunately, this scenario was going to continue.  It came down to two candidates for the position.  She participated in the meet and greet of both candidates. One was clearly already chosen for the job, the other was just a formality, to say yes we looked at many candidates. The one they chose was more of the same. Egotistical male looking to further his own agenda. The one they didn’t choose, he might actually work.  She told this to the search committee but no one listened. When she heard the first candidate bragging about getting the job, she started planning her exit strategy. She was NOT going to live through this again.  Depression turned to despair.

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00.

Next week: A Miracle Occurs