Watching yoga

We were running a training course in Florida at a research station.  It was late, like 9:00, but I wanted to do yoga before bed. He had brought his matt on the trip so I asked if he wanted to join me and he said no.  I went out to the pier, put on my headphones and strategically placed my matt in view of the deck where we were staying, then forgot about anything but yoga, my music, and the moon that was out.  It was a beautiful night.  I stretched and danced and did push ups and basically had a very good session.  As I rolled up my matt I saw him out of the corner of my eyes on the deck standing up into the doorway.  It was about 10:00 now and I was surprised he was coming outside that late, maybe something was wrong.  When I went to the deck, he wasn’t there.  That is when I replayed the vision I had of him in my mind.  He wasn’t coming out, he was going in. He had been watching me do yoga and when I rolled up my matt, he snuck back inside.  The next morning I commented on how he had missed such a good yoga session and he said, “no I didn’t, I was sound asleep and not missing it at all.” the liar…weeks later he was having back trouble and his doctor prescribed yoga so he asked me about some moves that he saw me do in Florida “or somewhere” as he tried to cover it up. He is a giant, adorable lousy liar.

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: Not there when I needed him.

Finding a norm

Even with all her efforts to show him everything was okay, she was struggling inside. For her, everything was not okay. She found herself thinking about him continuously.  She checked her email obsessively, hoping for something from him. Weekends were sadness; two entire days without him. Holidays were downright depressing. She fought it at first, then gave in and started a blog to herself in hopes of somehow getting control over her feelings.  He never said how he feels about her. To the very day of this writing, she still doesn’t really know.

He began to feel more comfortable with her once again. The teasing started back up. They found themselves having long conversations about anything. Her heart began to hurt at the thought of him finding someone else. She became jealous over silly things and tried not to show it. He began to tell her what he was doing after hours which made her feel better.  Did he know she needed this? He would txt her over the weekend occasionally but not always. She would do the same, but not always. They soon found themselves in a long and lonely rhythm.  She laughed and loved at work, and went home to sadness and depression.  Eventually she managed to move out of her house and away from her husband, which was a huge relief, but found herself feeling homeless because she was living at her sister house. 

He became depressed and texted her about it once. She asked too many questions and he said she would be a good one to talk to but he can’t, and he never brought it up again.  She cried at almost every run and shower. Still does.

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: Watching Yoga

Next Stop Vegas

One month after Alaska and they found themselves in Las Vegas on business. Everything was normal, whatever that is. He would call or txt after hours from his room about whatever was happening.  She txted or talked back from her room (sometimes in the nude).  They stayed an extra day, at his suggestion.  People would see them together and as usual, assume they were a couple.  They had a good time together, they always do.  Nothing was mentioned between them about the “event” in Alaska. They don’t talk about it. At All.  She decided they should be able to talk about it. She wanted them to be able to laugh about it. Hiding in an elevator is funny. Everything is okay.  She decided she would share what her therapist said about that night with him. He would benefit from learning about why it happened and they would be able to laugh about it.

They had dinner together on the last night in Las Vegas. She took that opportunity to try to talk about what happened on the last night of their previous trip. She shared what her therapist said. It took guts, he wasn’t in a communicative mood. It was awkward.  But she told him anyways and he just stared, like a deer caught in headlights. “Nothing?” she said. He laughed and said, “I don’t know what to say?”  He’s not used to this level of communication and neither is she, but she was determined to push past the surface with him. He is definitely deep, as he has shown, and she is not going to stay in the surface now that she has seen what’s beneath. They talk about it a little bit more then move on to work subjects.  As she walked back to her room she wondered of he’s really if he would think about it or if he’s really just a total ass.  She wasn’t sure at this point. 

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: Finding a Norm

Therapist explains why…

She asked her therapist why. If she is trying to get out of a relationship, why does she find herself wanting to get into one? Of all men, why her boss? Her husband is an over sexual Pepe-le-peu, the last thing she wants is another man groping her, so why?  He explained it her in a way that made sense.  She has a need, one that was not fulfilled by her husband.  A need to be loved and feel safe in a man’s arms.  Sex does not equal love. Her marriage had the sex but not the closeness of love.  Her husband would say that sex makes us close, that is what we have that is different from anyone else. She realized it was the reverse. If you have something different from everyone else, that level of closeness, then you have sex. She found she could be close to her boss without the pressure of it leading to sex, and that was part of the attraction.  The fact that he WAS her boss was part of the attraction. Because he was such a huge risk, they couldn’t go there. He was so unsafe, he was safe. Part of her wanted him badly and part of her wanted the safety of being close to someone without the pressure of it turning into sex. It was an inner conflict that she struggled with then, and still does.

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: Next Stop Vegas