Back to Panama

Two and a half years later, we are going back to panama tomorrow. Panama. Where I first got to know him. Where we shared desserts every night. Where we first worked side by side. Where he first turned my head. That panama. Where do we stand? I don’t still know!  All I know is this.

  1. I still love him
  2. he still enjoys my company and I his
  3. we still have long talks
  4. he has “a girl he talks to”
  5. he compares her to me
  6. he says she is “a mess”
  7. he has no idea if I am dating
  8. We laugh together a lot
  9. we act like a couple when we are together
  10. i miss him when we are apart

Recent moments include:

  • teaching a class together where he demonstrates a skill by holding me from behind and his body touches mine and feels like magic
  • doing dishes together side by side me washing, him rinsing – so domestic
  • him introducing us as a team and calling us the yin and the yang

Sprinkle in between these moments my usual rage resulting in breaking up with a man I have no commitment with. How long can this go on?  What will happen in panama? A lot of work, that is for sure, but I am staying an extra day to relax and recover, will he stay too?  I will let you know in my next post

 

 

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The Run in the Rain

It was raining hard. One of those long steady downpours. She was in her room at the B&B. He was standing in her doorway talking about work, or whatever, she hardly cared.  There was vacuuming in the hall so he closed the door.  He had his laptop and she hers.  He was at the foot of her bed on his knees with his laptop on her bed, discussing work. The rain was coming down even harder. They were there all morning, all afternoon, all alone, talking, breathing, and listening to the rain. 

They forgot about lunch so she shared a Kind bar she had in her bag. He is so beautiful, she thought, does he even know how beautiful this moment is? To have a warm steady rain drumming outside and a beautiful man at the foot of your bed?  All day?  To this day, the sound of a hard, steady rain brings back this vision. 

 The rain eventually let up. They decided it was now or never for a run. There was a trail across the road so they took off, he in the lead. He was being a sissy about getting his feet wet so she shoved him on. He took off and she didn’t see him after that for the entire run.  Did I say it had been pouring rain? Oh yeah and the trail was soaked. The first creek crossing was a challenge, but she found her way by walking upstream and jumping. The second creek was more of a challenge and she was stuck. She couldn’t turn back because she was afraid she couldn’t cross back over the first creek again, so she stood there in the middle of the woods in Alaska, in the middle of the rain, all soggy and wondering what to do and where was he? A local man came by and guided her safely across the flooded creek. It was still raining by the time she made it back to the B&B and she was completely soaked. She didn’t see him at first and plopped her last steps with a jump into a large puddle in the driveway, then looked up and there he was.  

He was standing on the steps, tall and totally soaked.  He looked at her, not sure what to expect. She said, “that was the best. run. ever!” because it was.  They both burst out laughing.

The owner of the B&B came out and said they were two kids out playing in the rain. 

He told her about that second creek crossing how he had stepped in on the side and fell into the water up to his neck. She stood next to him and said she would have gone under and told him how someone guided her across.  They laughed and took pictures of each other to share with family. She keeps that picture of him standing tall and soaked and smiling on her phone. OMG, she thought, this guy loves to play outside!

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: The Totem Walk

Then came Alaska

They had a meeting to attend in Alaska. It was going to be difficult, her former boss would be there.  She was stressed over this but excited to go to Alaska.  She had never been there and wanted to have some time to enjoy the location. He suggested they go early and enjoy the weekend before the meeting. And so they did. 

Bed and Breakfast’s are the cheapest places to stay so they booked two rooms in a B&B.  She was still married at this point and knew it was not going to go over well at home.  She was starting to realize just how unhappy she was and nothing was going to stop her from this chance to enjoy herself. So she told her family what she was doing and off she went. 

Describing the beauty of that entire week is impossible. The location was spectacular and he was too.  I will share a few scenes with you in the next few posts as an example. The truth is she had been crushing on him up until that week, but that week, that very week, was the week she fell in love.  That week seems like a dream but that week really happened.  That week was magic.

 

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: The Run in the Rain

How did he feel about her?

She reminded him of his mom, he said. He teased her relentlessly. They would talk for a few minutes only to find 3 hours had passed by.  He called her a distraction.  He would make comments about romantic things. She was smart but silly. The goofy things she did made him laugh. She laughed too because there were just some darn funny things that she did. That is how she is, a great source of entertainment for all.  They worked on many things very closely.  They both started exercising regularly again. She found herself thinking of him, more than she should. She traveled and missed him, not her husband.  She never really did miss her husband but was surprised that she missed him.  Time passed and they became closer, talking about things one does not talk about with one’s boss.  He shared things with her that surprised her, and she did the same. She was falling for him, deep inside she knew it, but was he feeling it too? How will she ever know?

 Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00.

 Next week: They look like a couple

He was the Opposite

She couldn’t remember ever being around a man like him. He was honest, he exercised and even liked to play outside. They ran every morning in when they were in panama and they both ran and used the gym at work once they returned.  It was wonderful to be around someone who exercises. He was kind, patient, and understanding. He laughed out loud a lot and even better, he made her laugh.  She didn’t remember laughing that much, ever. He was a Boy Scout. He actually said hello to a squirrel once, he really was Kronk. You gotta love Kronk.  And he was social, he talked to strangers and was friendly to everyone. By the time she returned home, her husband was even more disappointing.  Her new boss was the opposite of her husband and contrast now was too huge to ignore.

 Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: How did he feel about her?

In the Beginning

In the beginning, there was awkwardness.  Their first exposure to each other was intense.  Three weeks in Panama, working very closely on fixing a mess. She texts her family, “Its like traveling with Kronk from the Emperor’s New Groove”. They had long days and late dinners.  It seems you can’t get a quick meal in Panama, it takes hours.  She started having a beer with each dinner.  It was like mandatory speed dating. Those things you don’t talk about, they talked about. Politics, religion, not sex though, that came later.  He’s conservative and Christian.  Nice solid barrier there, she thinks, because she is liberal and atheist.  They are the same age, off by one month, he the elder.  She got very drunk on two drinks the first night and tells him about how she got her last boss fired. He seemed to take it okay, she hoped. Very awkward. Then while they were working, he started playing the music they both grew up with. And that is when he first turned her head.  “Who IS this guy?” she thought…

The mess they were fixing was huge and shocking. He rolled up his sleeves and dug in with her to get it done. He didn’t get angry about the situation, He focused on solving it instead. And he made her laugh. She hadn’t really laughed much for many years and forgot how good it felt. 

On their last night, and they stayed two days longer than scheduled, on their last night he took her to the Italian restaurant they had been to earlier to try to get tres leches, a dessert that she wanted to try but no one seemed to have and he knew because they shared desserts almost every night. She remembers to this day how he brushed her arm in the airport on the way home and he remembers what she had to drink. 

 Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: He was the Opposite

A Miracle Occurs

As with all fairy tales, just when things seem impossible, the impossible actually happens. Turns out there were problems with the candidate they chose that surfaced just in time. They rescinded the offer and then made the offer to the second candidate. Now he had a decision to make.  He came back to look around and met with her, both of them seriously considering each other for the first time. They took a walk to talk. He’s just a boy scout from Nebraska, he says. He needs to work with someone who is self-motivated and can work independently. She had been doing that for years. She’s just a hippy from Virginia she says and wants a boss who is honest. Her bar is very low at this point, that’s all she asks for, honesty. Honesty is what he is good at, to a fault sometimes.  They talk a few more times. She doesn’t tell him she got her last boss fired but he knows there were issues there. He knows the former boss so he feels if she is on the opposite side of that, she must be okay.  She is just plain terrified.

 Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00. 

Next week: In the Beginning

No Hope

She was finally going to get a new boss even though she didn’t want one.  They asked her to be on the search committee, she declined because she was going to apply for the job.  This was hopeless she knew but she wanted to make a point. She had been running the program for years while they paid the big bucks to men that were not doing their job.  Unfortunately, this scenario was going to continue.  It came down to two candidates for the position.  She participated in the meet and greet of both candidates. One was clearly already chosen for the job, the other was just a formality, to say yes we looked at many candidates. The one they chose was more of the same. Egotistical male looking to further his own agenda. The one they didn’t choose, he might actually work.  She told this to the search committee but no one listened. When she heard the first candidate bragging about getting the job, she started planning her exit strategy. She was NOT going to live through this again.  Depression turned to despair.

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00.

Next week: A Miracle Occurs

Hope Comes and Goes

His adult life had been spent mostly West coast.  He lived alone by now. He had friends but no romance.  At work, there was no room for promotion, he would always be second, they made that clear. More disappointment that he didn’t understand.  He needed a change.   He applied for a job on the East coast.  He was not sure he would take it, but he needed a new start so what the heck.  It was good pay and for a prominent institution.  He went through the interview process, making sure everyone knew what he was about. He didn’t want to change his entire life if this wasn’t a good fit. Finally it was down to two, he was one of them. He came out to meet everyone, including the one person he would be working closely with, and looked around the area.  They chose the other candidate.

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00.

Next week: No Hope 

Her Life is in Shambles

She continued to push through the oppressive husband, not accepting his desire to keep her down, but it took its toll. She took a job that he did not support, even though it was a wonderful opportunity.  He was angry, she was excited.  She would be traveling again and that meant getting away from him.  She would be working for the organization she loved again, her first love. 

All was going to be wonderful except once again, it wasn’t.  The man she worked for turned out to be the worst person she had ever known. He too tried to keep her down, keep her in a box, more oppression. But it was worse than that. He was hurting the organization she worked for. She went through hell and back and finally he was fired. Upper management finally realized how aweful he really was. Only instead of thanking her they treated her like she was the problem. She risked everything to save her organization and they crapped on her as a result. She knew she did what was right but no one upstairs would admit it. 

With work finally not as horrible she continued to try to save her marriage, even though it was a depressing mess.  She had given up on any hopes of decency in men and became unhealthy and depressed.

Follow this epic tale of finding love over 50, based on a true story. The story is ongoing so the end is TBD. Follow, comment, and provide support to the main character as she finds herself in love all over again in her 50s, this time with her boss. Updates will be posted every Friday at 5:00.

Next week: Hope Comes and Goes